This House is Not a Home
by TheLostBlackRose
Summary: This house is not a home, not anymore. Rated for adult themes and language, don't like, don't read. I DON'T OWN!My first Ninja turtles fic!
1. Dirty Laundry

I don't know what happened.

It wasn't like this before. When did things change? Was it when he found out?

I open my eyes as he pulls out with a grunt. He reaches behind me and unties the rope binding my hands together. I groggily rub my sore wrists.

He says something, but my tired mind cannot comprehend his words. He scoffs and speaks again, I understand some words. "Pathetic…can't clean yerself…filthy."

He lifts me with a grunt and puts me in a large laundry basket, the kinds with wheels. He dumps laundry on top of me to hide that I'm there. Is this all I am to him? Something he can use and dirty, then he can wash me and make me clean and pure until he uses me again? If so, I can't blame him. I haven't acted like anything has changed.

He carts me out of his room and down the hallway. In my hazy state I can still hear my brothers conversing, though it's muffled by clothes and my sleepy mind. I hear Donnie say something and a few seconds later I feel more weight on top of me. Then I hear Leo and more weight. I hear the squeak of the door as we enter the washroom I hear him lock the door. He dumps out the laundry basket and I land sprawled on the floor. I am too tired to complain. He turns on the showers and began washing away my filth.

As I said before, things weren't always like this. He didn't always use me this way. He didn't dirty me, make me filthy. Just after he read my journal. Then he knew. Then things changed.

When he found out, I begged and pleaded for him not to tell. I didn't want the others to know I was gay until I was ready to tell them.

Then I saw him get that look in his eye.

The first time was unexpected. I had noticed he was being especially aggressive during training. I didn't know it then, but he was trying to wear me out. And it worked.

That night, he snuck into my room. That night, he gagged me. That night, he tied me up. That night, he said he'd give me what I wanted. That night, he violated and dirtied me.

That night, everything changed.

He shuts off the water and throws a towel on me. He says I have five minutes to towel off before bed.

This house is not a home… Not anymore.


	2. Hung Out To Dry

I lie listless.

All I see is darkness; a deep, yawning chasm of nothingness that threatens to consume me. Suddenly, a brilliantly bright light pierces the darkness, causing my eyes to clamp shut. I can hear Donnie; he's yelling my name, attempting to taunt me. Leo joins in.

I am suddenly doused in a cold wetness, causing me to jump in shock. I open my eyes to a squint. Donnie and Leo are looking at me with apparent disappointment and disgust.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Leo asks, incredulously.

In an attempt to mask my true feelings, I smirk and say, "Well, I was sleeping 'til you showed-up." In as sarcastic a tone as I could muster. My voice had faltered, and I feared my facade to be exposed, but neither Leo nor Donnie caught it.

Leo's eyes narrowed into slits. "Why the hell isn't the laundry done? And, for that matter, why aren't you in bed? You were given a simple task and you can't even do that, you're getting lazy and I won't stand for..."

I tune him out; he's getting into one of his rants about me not pulling my weight, which usually end with another chore being taken off his chore-list and placed on mine.

My body cracks and pops in protest as I raise myself to my feet; the sopping-wet cloths on the ground give me traction so as not to slip on the wet tile floor.

"… so I now expect you to handle garbage and shell waxing. Do you understand?"

I roll my eyes and sigh. "Yes, _master_."

Leo scowls and Donnie shakes his head. "Clean this mess and come out for breakfast in five minutes, or else you will have intensive sparring today with Raph."

With that, they turn and leave the room.

I move quickly, ignoring the aches and pains from sleeping on a tile floor. I know I will have intensive sparring today, regardless of whether-or-not I finish in time. Raph will insist on it. He believes I deserve it, because I disobeyed him by falling asleep in the bathroom. And Leo will listen to him, because I pissed him off by smart-mouthing him.

Leo believes I am far too immature for my age. He believes I should grow up, and the quickest way for me to do that is to give me as much work as possible. But all that does is make me exhausted, too weak to fend off Raph, making me have to keep up my façade in order to hide my shameful secret.

Within three-minutes, the cloths are all in the ancient, rusted washing-machine with the adequate amount of detergent. I walk out of the bathroom and walk into Raph.

"Hey, watch where yer goin' there, buddy." He says as he moves me aside.

How can he act so normal, as if nothing was different? How can he act as if I'm not different? How can he act like he isn't different?

How can he act like he never hung me out to dry?


	3. Dear Journal

I just don't understand why everything is so different.

One second, everything was fine; we hung out, watched movies and, on occasion, we playfully wrestled. And now, he won't even make eye-contact with me, and he gets a look of fear in his eyes whenever I'm around him.

What the hell happened, and why can't I remember? Why can't I even _try_? It's all just so confusing.

Do you understand what it's like? Can you even try, try to understand how much it _hurts_ for someone so close to you to be so afraid around you, and you don't even know the reason why?

Can you understanding how frustrating it is to lose hours, sometimes _days, _in the blink of an eye?

No, I suppose you can't. After all, you're just a bunch of paper, bound together with a bit of metal. How can I expect you to know? To understand? To _care_?

Sometimes, I don't even know why Sensei had us keep journals. Hell, I don't even understand why we still do; the old rat's dead. But, I suppose it is a good way to vent my emotions.

Look, I've got to go. I need to figure this shit out.


End file.
